Most girls have a type in boys they like to date. some like bad boys, others like meat heads and then their are the ones who love money. What I am about to type isn’t about the guy I want to date or be intimate with, This is about my type in male friends. Not just any male friends, the make friends who mean more to me than the average joe.
I have this problem. This huge problem. It may not seem huge to you, but to me it is cause a lot of feelings and emotions. His name is Jared Seed. No I do not like this guy. I have this platonic attraction to him. For a while I wasn’t sure why or what is was. I thought maybe it is cause he is nice and funny. Who doesn’t want nice and funny friends? right?
I have become attached. I want to know so much about him. I want him to be happy, I want him forever in my life. Like I said, I DO NOT like him, like that. I know the difference between a crush and the feeling I cannot describe. No it isn’t love. No I am not insane. The feeling I have toward Jared is similar to a feeling I have had before. The difference is that the feeling I had toward a prior guy was a lot stronger. The person who I had these similar unexplainable stronger feelings for was Trey.
It took me a while to put a finger on why I clicked with Jared so well. He makes me happy. he reminds me so much of Trey that when I am around him, I feel like I have a little bit of my best friend back.
I get angered with Jared for small stuff like I did with Trey. I feel like it is okay to open up to Jared the way I opened up to Trey. Trey use to call me beautiful all the time. When Jared calls me pretty it matters. No because I want him to find me hot, or attractive. Because, he says it with scincerity. I believe him.
I feel guilty comparing the two. for starters,No one, I repeat NO ONE can replace Trey, or can be Trey. Secondly, Jared owes me nothing, he needs to be characterized in my heart and mind as his own person. The sadness I feel when I look at Jared is too much to take at times. It makes me miss Trey more.
I really want to tell Jared this. But I can’t how will he take being compared to my no longer living best friend? it will freak him out. I am trying my BEST not to become emotionally attached to Jared. Nothing is working. All I know is that there is a reason Jared has been brought into my life now, and not sooner. We went to the same school for 3 years and yet I never saw him, or noticed him until we worked together, after Trey passed. Thank you Trey, for giving me some hope and love through Jared. You truly are an amazing friend, NEVER replaceable, forgettable, or loved more. I promise. Thank you Trey. I love you always remember that.